Because I Should

I know I should post a blog. I haven't been great about posting, and I feel like I should probably post one today. But I don't really have a specific purpose to this post. I guess I'll just empty my head a little bit.

*January is such a hard month for me. It always is. It just weighs on my mood, energy, and motivation. I'm never great about posting in January and......what? It's February? Doesn't February just feel like January #2? For me it does. Maybe that's why they threw Valentine's day in there to try and break up the dreary months.

*For over a week now my heart has been overflowing with gratitude for a certain group of people. These people are the ones who flash their headlights at you as you pass them to let you know that there is a cop up ahead. Who are these angels? What motivates them to perform such a selfless act of service as this? This little gesture could save me a significant amount of money as well as the burden of traffic school. These people give me hope in humanity. It makes me feel like we're all on the same team, just helping each other to get through it all.

(Is the gesture of warning oncoming traffic about a cop illegal? I understand there may be a moral conflict in warning people who are speeding about a cop. But I stand by my above glorification of the action.)

*Jakob and I are going to celebrate 10 years of marriage this June. I've been thinking a lot about 10 years being married. It is wonderful and exciting....but isn't marriage hard? I know it's super taboo to blog about the tough side of marriage, and Jakob and I are actually super in love right now (Hi, Honey!), but, for me, marriage is a constant endeavor of trying to make things better than they are. And I just can't believe that after 10 years together there is still so much to work on. And that after 50 years together we'll still be working. I know that's how it's supposed to be. There have been a few times where marriage was smooth sailing, but those were usually times we were being tried in other arenas. Wah-wah.

*Did you guys know that Jakob gives me back massages at least 2-3 times a week? I just can't believe how lucky I am sometimes.

*I have a really hard time falling asleep at night. It has been like this for awhile. Every time my head hits the pillow, my mind starts racing. Sometimes I can't fall asleep for hours, even though I know I am very tired. I'm guessing maybe one reason for this is that I'm rarely alone with my thoughts all day, so there's no holding them back in the silence of my bedroom at night. Sometimes I try to hold very still and force all my thoughts on my breathing in and out. It rarely works.

*I am very good at identifying my feelings. For example, I know that I don't like to call babysitters because if they can't do it, I take the rejection very personally and it hurts my feelings. I also know that I don't like to drive because I am constantly trying to be the perfect driver and not make any mistakes because I don't want anyone to be mad at me and this is extremely exhausting.

For the most part, I know why I feel the way I do. But I cannot figure out why I don't like Facebook. But I really, really don't like Facebook. And I don't know why!

Believe me, I've tried to sort it out. I've heard it referred to multiple times as 'The Poor Man's Blog' or 'The Lazy Man's Blog'. I believe that's true. But that's not why I hate it. I know that I find it to be super juvenile and it reminds me of middle and high school. I sense competitiveness and judgment. "Will you be my friend?" But, this doesn't bother anyone else but me. And EVERYONE is on Facebook, not just immature people. I have no idea why it bothers me. I did spend over an hour on Facebook under Christina's account while she was here and found it very addictive. But I felt like a dirty spy afterwards. I just don't like Facebook.

To end this post on a high note, I'm going to borrow two posts from my friends' blogs that were awesome and uplifting for me. The first is a quote that Jill posted on her blog:

“You are here on earth for a divine purpose. It is not to be endlessly entertained or to be constantly in full pursuit of pleasure. The Lord is intent on your personal growth and development. When you trust in the Lord, when you are willing to let your heart and your mind be centered in His will, when you ask to be led by the Spirit to do His will, you are assured of the greatest happiness along the way and the most fulfilling attainment from this mortal experience. If you question everything you are asked to do, or dig in your heels at every unpleasant challenge, you make it harder for the Lord to bless you”.
~Elder Richard G Scott

And here is a video that a different Jill posted on her blog that was very inspiring:

That's it for me!